Doritos Flamas.

I love chips. If I see a new flavor, I have to try it. The great thing about snack food is that it varies from region to region, so no surprise that Doritos has flavors for the nontrivial demographics in California. Flamas is some sort of super spicy+lime concoction that stains things red. I love spicy things. I love lime, mostly with gin, but I still love lime. Needless to say, I totally dig these. They bring that extra heat that makes you clench your teeth when you inhale, as if the extra air pressure will somehow give you better convection action to soothe your tongue. But that's how you know it's good. (Reminder: I also saw a Doritos Tapatio. Must compare.)

While the staining make me feel slightly uncomfortable consuming these in any quantity, they are too good to stop at just one bag. I anticipate this to be a part of my regular chip rotation this summer. Likewise, there is also a Cheetos analog that I must try. (Aside: Ruffles is making a man chip with increased dimension and manlier flavors, drops in July.) Here is a much more amusing, though less favorable review. It also has a silly picture.

Doritos Jacked Smoky Chipotle BBQ.

First, it's hard to resist a Doritos sale. Second, it's hard to resist a new flavor. Doritos Jacked are supposed to be "BIGGER, BOLDER, THICKER". Not the greatest tagline. I was pumped about the BBQ flavor because I still think the Smokin' Cheddar BBQ was one of the best flavors of all time. What a letdown. The flavor is only barely BBQ and there's a slight smokiness that's supposed to be chipotle. Meh. The chips are slightly bigger but not by much. And they are only slightly thicker. I remember there were those Tostitos Gold chips a number of years ago. I think they were Tostitos. Anyway, they were super thick and crunchy. The serving size was only like 5 or 6 chips because the original cut was so thick. Those were pretty solid. These are not so solid despite having the serving sized halved in comparison to regular Doritos. Granted, Doritos go for more crisp than crunch, but it's still disappointing.

Doritos Pizza Supreme.

Coincidentally, I had some stromboli on hand that I had made. Not as good as the stromboli. The chips are pretty bland and nondescript. Disappointing.

Doritos 2nd Degree Burn: Fiery Buffalo.

After having these, I regret not picking up all three degrees of burns. Sour, sweet, tangy spicy buffalo flavor. Awesome.

Doritos 1st Degree Burn: Blazin' Jalapeno.

This is probably the best jalapeno chip I've ever had. The jalapeno is savory and not bitter. The burn is good with a delayed onset and a long finish. For 1st degree, it's spicier than I would have guessed.

Doritos Fiery Habanero.

For some reason, I put off trying this for a really long time. I guess because I've been so disappointed by jalapeno chips in the past. Turns out this is actually pretty fucking awesome. It has a nice flavorful heat without coming off as too "fake meaty" savoriness.

I actually haven't bought it again since I tried it. I guess I forgot I liked it? Which is exactly why I have to write down things like that here.

Doritos Smokin' Cheddar BBQ and Black Pepper Jack.

First off, Smokin' Cheddar & BBQ was one of my favorite non-classic flavors. And then it disappeared without warning. I didn't know what to do. Blazin' Buffalo knew only one thing and that was to blaze. I had to learn to move on. No smoke. No cheddar. No BBQ. Don't get me wrong. Blazin' Buffalo is good at what it does. It doesn't pretend to be subtle or smooth. It's just in your face, spicy and demanding. Sometimes I need to have a glass of milk in between handfuls.

But Smokin' Cheddar BBQ is back. It's kind of like when Dylan returned to 90210. So I bought three bags. It is still fucking awesome. Of the expansion flavors, it's one of the few that actually implements every one of the words in its name. Sometimes, it tastes like cheddar with BBQ sauce. Other times it tastes like BBQ sauce with cheddar. Which one is smoked? Sometimes it's the first one, sometimes the second. Sometimes both. There's so much variety in one bag. You never quite know what you're going to get, but rest assured that it will be a good time.

I also bought a bag of Black Pepper Jack which tastes remarkably close to jack cheese. The black pepper is kind of a cop out since pepper jack cheese uses actual fucking peppers, but it's not bad. It's kind of like Toasted Corn in that, somewhere in your mind, you've already experienced the flavor because it's so generic you can relive the sensation on demand over and over again. But it's not bad. It's not something you can snack on and pay attention to, but it's acceptable if you're going to be concentrating on something other than stuffing your face with goodness.

Doritos Sour Cream and Cheesy Enchilada Collisions.

New Doritos flavor combo. The Enchiladas don't taste as much like the taco BO, but it still has that indistinct Mexican flavor. Note that I didn't say "seasoning". It basically tastes like a cross between a Nacho Cheese (RIP Nacho Cheesier) and a Tacos at Midnight.

The Sour Cream is more palatable. It looks like Cool Ranch (RIP Cooler Ranch) chip, but tastes like a Cool Ranch chip with less MSG. Overall, unimpressed.

More Doritos.

I was unimpressed. It tasted like a jalapeno chip that never grew up and lacked any distinction as a verde chip.

I had some higher expectations for this one after the salsa verde, but...it's just like plain tortilla chips? Sort of like those Tostitos Golds, but not as dense. A little salty. Meh?

Doritos Late Night - Tacos at Midnight.

The other variety is this Late Night series from Doritos. I can't say I liked the Zesty Taco and Chipotle Ranch Collisions, primarily due to the taco flavor, so I don't really know why I bought this one. But I am a sucker for novelty snack foods (Hello Kitty everything). What can I say? It tastes like Mexican BO. I guess that's what they were going for?

The Late Night flavor I'd like to see: everything on an all-night diner menu.

Doritos Late Night - Jalapeno Poppers.

I saw these and another "Late Night" flavor so I bought them both. I like these because unlike other jalapeno-flavored chips, they weren't bitter or one-dimensional in their heat. In fact, since these are jalapeno popper, they have a bit of sweetness from the pseudo creme cheese. As far as contrived flavors go, this is pretty good.

Doritos and a melon.

I had been putting off trying this particular Collision for awhile just because the idea of a taco, particularly "zesty", did not sound all that appetizing. And I'm disappointed. The Zesty Taco tastes like dirty Mexicans and the Chipotle Ranch just tastes like ranch.

And this melon. Is just like cantaloupe. Just different on the outside. I was looking for a change of pace. And it had this sticker that said it was delicious. So I bought it.

Doritos and Juice.

So, there was this one time I went to the grocery and bought a bunch of stuff I didn't really need. Like 4 bags of Doritos. They were on sale. And bottles of pomegranate and blueberry juice. They were store-brand, which is unusual. Anyway. So I broke into some of it.

My juice experience was less than stellar. Not bad. But I'd just rather have POM for just a little more. But maybe it'll be an interesting mixer?

At first, I was a little wary of these Doritos. Pizza Cravers and Ranch. Not Cool Ranch, even. Just ranch. I found it all rather mediocre until I was having the last of it. Turns out a glass of milk with it works wonders which makes sense because pizza and milk is delicious. Also, the last ingredient in rosemary. Well, ok.

Sam Adams Brown Ale.

I picked up this and a Black Lager from some leftovers from a catered event a few nights ago. Sam Adams is pretty respectable for being a domestic, mass-marketed beer. (I've decided Sam Adams is now my tap beer when eating out when more interesting options are unavailable.) One thing I've always like about Sam Adams is the sheer number of varieties and their consistency.

The Brown Ale was good and nutty without being too filling. It actually reminded me of a nut brown beer from a brewery local to Nashville that was quite good. Until I figure how to get more of that, the Brown Ale will suffice.

As a side note, I always wondered why Doritos changed their flagship flavors from the clearly comparatively superior "Nacho Cheesier" and "Cooler Ranch" to less competitive sounding names, "Nacho Cheese" and "Cool Ranch", respectively. I had the Nacho Cheese a few weeks ago since the local Wal-mart decided to stop carrying the Smokin' Cheddar BBQ, which was by far one of the more superior flavors of chips on the market today. Meh, Nacho Cheese is still just Nacho Cheese. Cool Ranch, on the other hand, is actually different. Doritos must have revamped their formulas because they seem to be lighter and crispier; the flavor is noticeably punchier, not exactly saltier, but more intense without being as heavy as it used to be. Are they better than Cooler Ranch? Well...maybe. Also, "Garden Salsa" Sun Chips are fantastic. They don't really taste like garden salsa but they taste like something good.