Primator Doppelbock.

I haven't had a good doppelbock in a while. I remember my first: Ayinger Celebrator. It had a sweet billy goat charm around the neck of each bottle, which a pun. 'ein bock' (which is apparently what it sounds like when Bavarians say 'Einbeck', the origin town for the style) means 'billy goat'; hence, the association of goats with the style. I've also heard that it's a reference to the changing of the season. The onset of spring calls for a kick in the pants (or a headbutt) to shake off the cobwebs of the dark winter months, so bocks are slightly higher in alcohol (kind of like barleywines, of which I really like ST's description).

This is an incredibly sweet beer, extremely sugary. I have never tasted a beer so sugary. I am completely beside myself. That rich, toasty, malty character, the dark and bitter notion of an extra stout slightly tempered by sweetness, has been replaced with Kool-aid. This beer is just so extraordinarily sweet. It doesn't have the body of a milk stout to back it up properly so it just spills itself all over your palate, blowing out everything, smashing through another wall when it leaves, and the roast bitter shrugs sheepishly and shuffles away with its hands in its pockets.

It's fairly carbed so I'm pouring the other half to top off my glass and try it with something spicy as its neck label suggests. The violent pour stirred up the head which foamed up and fizzed out, maybe apropos for its cola soda-like sweetness. All I've really got are some tortilla chips and some serrano salsa fresca that I just bought. Turns out that this salsa is pretty mild, only rating half of a full chile. The mild heat cuts down the sweetness a bit and lets the toastiness peek through. But it's still pretty imbalanced. Ok, time to break out the Uncle Chen Extra Hot - Chili Garlic Sauce. It's, and I quote, "chiliciously hot". It's not a sauce I find myself using very often because it just doesn't go well with anything other than pho, unfortunately. That spiciness and this sweetness just don't mesh. And this big gulp I just took tasted like Kopiko cappuccino candy so that's bizarre. The salsa is good, by the way.

At this point, a few gulps away from the bottom, I'm finding more and more of a coffee character, a heavily sugared and creamed coffee, almost like canned coffee, but even sweeter. That's the thing about canned coffee; it's fatty and sugary, but there's still a clear coffee character. Primator is more like adding coffee to your sugary milk.

Here's the thing. There are no goats on the label. They claim a combination of "five different Moravian and Bavarian malts with a hint of bittering hops", (as opposed to five of the same malts?) yielding a 24 degrees Plato, 10.5%ABV wonky Doppelbock. You screwed me at "no goats".

• Appearance: Very clear, dark brown, deep garnet against the light. No head without some vigor, then it fizzes out like soda.
• Smell: When I can get the head swirled up, there's actually a nice nutty (they say chestnut) aroma. I would agree with roasted chestnut.
• Taste: Absurdly sweet. The sweetness is more reminiscent of cola soda than malt. The toasty bitterness is completely lost here. Eventually, it just starts to tastes like canned coffee but still so ridiculously sweet that it makes Starbucks drinks taste like actual coffee.
• Mouthfeel: A fairly silky lager at this point. Initially, the carbing was fairly high but not so high to foam, just enough to coat the tongue. I'm reminded of a very, very thin syrup, which is syrup nevertheless.
• Drinkability and Overall: The 500mL bottle is an awkward format because it's 1 pint, 0.9 fl oz. For my palate, it's just too sweet to enjoy on it's own, but I can't see it meshing well with anything else either. Maybe buffalo wings or something. The 10.5%ABV means you're really going to enjoy whatever you drink next, as long as it's not this.